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The Difference between Men & Women

1. Names
If Sharon, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
call each other Sharon, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Dave and Tim go out, they will affectionately refer
To each other as Fat Boy, Plug, Divvy and Breeks.

2. Eating out
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Dave and Tim will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £60.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, the calculators come out.

3. Money
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

4. Bathrooms
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel stolen from a Travelodge.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. Arguments
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. Cats
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. Future
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. Success
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. Marriage
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

10. Dressing up
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and go to the doctors.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. Natural
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. Offspring
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
Men aware of some short people moving around the house.

13. Thought for the day
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.